As we all know there are all different types of abuse. Some have been the abuser and some have been the victim. I guess if I am to be truly honest I have been guilty of being the abuser in the heat of the moment. But I never feed on it. Looking back on it I have been the victim more so than not. Oh don’t get me wrong we have all fallen victim at some point in our lives. I’m talking about the victim whose abuser preys on them.
It angers me to hear people say they must like it, or they would get out of it. If you have been a victim then you understand. If you haven’t then you don’t have a clue, so could you shut up please. In more cases than not, it’s not like they have had a great life and then one morning their world just got turned up side down.
An abuser, any type of abuser grooms their victims. There are stages of the grooming depending on the type of abuse. You have tearing down their self-esteem, support system, feeds on their fears, making them dependant on the abuser, you get the jest of it. Just so you get it, it’s a process. So that you understand that victim didn’t get to that dark place over night, and they aren’t going to get out over night.
To me the physical abuse was easier, because you knew once they blackened your eye or just gave you a good old ass whooping it was over. Then the apologizes, but it’s always your fault, if you wouldn’t have they wouldn’t have had to do this, or they only did it cause they loved you. But that is not love, that is control and them dealing with their own insecurities. It didn’t affect me so much on the emotional level. I was lucky, but others aren’t so lucky.
It was the emotional abuse that has always been hard for me, cause there doesn’t seem to be a break, for you to regroup. Just remember the emotional abuser is much more talented. They seek your weakness and feed on them, they lies, play emotional games, make you feel like your going crazy, they will push you to the edge of the cliff and pull you back. I believe their goal is to keep you off-balance, unsure. To keep you so wound up on the little things that you don’t see the big picture. For me, this is the abuse that leaves the most scars.
So I guess my message here is if you fit any of these scenarios, victim or abuser take a step back and look at what you are really doing. If you love or care about that person why hurt them? If you don’t, why waste yours and their time when you could both be out there finding happiness. So if you know a victim be patient and supportive, because without your support they may never escape.
I know this isn’t a pleasant topic, but it’s a real topic.
Sorry there is my soap box.