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Walk Away From The Flames: Stop Burning Yourself

Kay Dee Speaks

Touchflame but

Why is it that we as people tend to want what’s bad for us? Is it human nature? Is it sin nature? What is it? Whether it be relationships that we KNOW are absolutely destructive and unhealthy… Or environments that are toxic or overly tempting… Or whether it’s gorging ourselves on food that we know is bad for us and we’ll pay for it later…. Or wanting what is forbidden, what is not ours? What is it?

Remember in high school or college, there was that guy or that girl who was pretty good looking, smart, funny, charming… but wasn’t the “bad” boy or the “hot to trot” girl? What about them? Why do we tend to ignore those who could be potentially good, solid, stable people and instead lust for danger, adventure, the ‘high’? But, going for the forbidden is exciting, right?! It’s thrilling! It’s titillating! Now, to clarify…

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When you are Hurt

How do you deal with the hurt? That’s a loaded question I know. We all have our own way we will deal with hurt and depending on the nature of the hurt will determine the severity of our reactions.

We all know that like anything else there are different levels of hurt, but hurt is hurt, right? We can choose to express those feelings to the person or persons who hurt you, rather that is their intent or not, with the hopes that they will correct or fix the issues. But in doing this you leave yourself vulnerable to them. You give them the control and the ability to make you feel better or worse. That’s scary isn’t it. You can hold it all inside till you can’t anymore and then you explode, but then everyone is looking at you like you lost your mind.
I have been guilty of both, some have made me feel better, some worse and yes the explosion was ugly.

So I had to find something that worked better for me, I am finding my best solution to this is to look deeper within myself, to first figure out why this has hurt me. What do I need to change within myself so that this doesn’t hurt me again? Sometimes, those are tough choices. Because there are times you feel you can’t do anything but walk away for that person and that situation. Don’t get me wrong, if someone hurts you have an obligation to yourself to let them know to try to prevent it from becoming a continual problem. Sometimes they will and can make it right, other times they can’t or won’t. Your feelings are yours, good, bad or indifferent and that is your job! You have to figure out your fix, your fix may not be right for anyone but you, but only you have that control.

Don’t take my love and kindness, as a sign of weakness.
Because tomorrow may be a day of no forgiveness.
Cause you are in my heart,
You think you are smart.
You may hurt me today,
Cause that is your way.
But know there are no promises of tomorrow,
So don’t let them be full of sorrow.
Today I choose my lines of confinement.
To fulfill my life’s assignment.
You are welcome to participate.
But know it is a give and take.

Chapter 1 Ruth-Deal With It by Paula White

I have recently started reading “Deal With It” by Paula White. If you haven’t read this book it is about different women of the Bible. The first chapter is about “Ruth”

Ruth was a Moabitess who married into a Hebrew family that had moved to Moab from Bethlehem to escape a famine. After the death of Ruth’s husband and her mother-in-law Naomi’s husband, Naomi decided to move back to Bethlehem and Ruth followed. Naomi tried to send Ruth back to Moab; telling her to go back to her family, customs, and ways in which she was raised, “I’m going to a place that is unfamiliar to you.” Ruth however refused telling Naomi, “your people shall be my people and your God, my God.” Ruth was a strong woman who walked away from her past. She willingly left everything she had known for a new life, a better life.

This chapter talks a lot about leaving your past in the past, good and bad. You don’t get to choose to leave the bad and take the good, you leave it all. Paula White goes as far as saying when you start a new day you leave yesterday in the past. You know we have all heard leave your past in the past but this took it to a whole new level for me. She also states you can’t look backward and forward at the same time, if you try to move forward while looking backwards you’ll become unstable and you will fail.

“Leave and cleave” is a Bible principle that applies to every person. You must leave your past and cleave to what God has for you.
Leave your yesterday…and cleave to today.
Leave your failures…and cleave to God’s promises.
Leave your old sin…and cleave to the forgiveness God gives you.

Five things about your past and present
1. God does not consult your past to determine your future.
2. God commands you to leave your past and press towards the future He has for you.
3. God always has a future for you.
4. Change your focus.
5. Prepare yourself in the Word.

Naomi was bitter and blamed God for the death of her husband and sons, but their deaths were due to their own actions, they failed to trust or obey God’s command to all the Israelites not to go to Moab. The Bible states consequences for sins always come in some form of death.

First and foremost let me say WOW! In reading this chapter, I could relate to this in so many ways. I don’t know that I fully grasped the concept of leaving your past in the past. And in doing so, you have to change your whole thought process by letting go of the past angers, hurts, fears and other things you may feel. Believe me when I say I am being tested on a daily basis of letting go and changing my thought process. In doing so I can honestly say my today is better than my yesterday and I look forward to tomorrow because I know it will be better than today.

For you that are walking around with negative feelings, I urge you to let it go so you may find happiness and peace. Smile because God loves you and that is a beautiful thing.

What Are You Really Worth?

How many of us really ask ourselves the question “What am I really worth? And secondly, how many of us really answer that question? Last night when I went to bed I was struggling to figure out what todays blog was going to be about. I woke up at 3 a.m. with the answer, and since then have been trying to figure out the real answers. So this morning I have been cleaning out my closet, so to speak, feeling like I’m at a cross roads; I have to determine if I’m going to continue straight down this road or turn but never do a u-turn.

In doing so I have taken a walk down memory lane to find my own answers to this question. I am worth so much more and I believe a lot of us feel this way, but we are afraid to look in our closets, to give “US” the opportunity to find our own truths and answers because of the back lash. I challenge everyone to open their closet to answer this question for themselves honestly. Over the years we get beat down by life, relationships, responsibilities and the fight, in doing so we forget who we are, what we desire and what plan is set forth for us. I look back over the years and wonder how and when did this happen? I have to laugh, cause with each loss in our life’s I think people walk away with a little less of themselves and their expectations.

Example, remember back to your “First Love” I don’t know about you but I went into it thinking we were going to conquer the world. Yes a little naive I know, but my point being, there were things that were unacceptable. Cross that line and there was no u-turns, over the years that line has changed and I believe every time I allowed that line to change I lost a little of me. For what ever the reasons being, I allowed this to happen. I feel for me those lines have to exist to help me stay within myself. Lines have to exist in all areas of our life’s job, friendships, love, family etc. You have to determine what your limits are and accept them. You need to have expectations, boundaries, honesty with yourself and others, happiness and sadness cause without them you aren’t living.

With that being said, I have to be the one to change this. Set those lines back in place and not allow them to be moved. You have to be true to you, and follow your own heart. No one defines who you are but yourself and God. No one or no thing can take your self-worth unless you allow them or it the access.

Everyday with the love, support and guidance of God, family and friends I am rediscovering the little things that identify me. I am thankful that my children are willing to fight for me when I wasn’t… and I love you all.

The Abused

As we all know there are all different types of abuse. Some have been the abuser and some have been the victim. I guess if I am to be truly honest I have been guilty of being the abuser in the heat of the moment. But I never feed on it. Looking back on it I have been the victim more so than not. Oh don’t get me wrong we have all fallen victim at some point in our lives. I’m talking about the victim whose abuser preys on them.

It angers me to hear people say they must like it, or they would get out of it. If you have been a victim then you understand. If you haven’t then you don’t have a clue, so could you shut up please. In more cases than not, it’s not like they have had a great life and then one morning their world just got turned up side down.

An abuser, any type of abuser grooms their victims. There are stages of the grooming depending on the type of abuse. You have tearing down their self-esteem, support system, feeds on their fears, making them dependant on the abuser, you get the jest of it. Just so you get it, it’s a process. So that you understand that victim didn’t get to that dark place over night, and they aren’t going to get out over night.

To me the physical abuse was easier, because you knew once they blackened your eye or just gave you a good old ass whooping it was over. Then the apologizes, but it’s always your fault, if you wouldn’t have they wouldn’t have had to do this, or they only did it cause they loved you. But that is not love, that is control and them dealing with their own insecurities. It didn’t affect me so much on the emotional level. I was lucky, but others aren’t so lucky.

It was the emotional abuse that has always been hard for me, cause there doesn’t seem to be a break, for you to regroup. Just remember the emotional abuser is much more talented. They seek your weakness and feed on them, they lies, play emotional games, make you feel like your going crazy, they will push you to the edge of the cliff and pull you back. I believe their goal is to keep you off-balance, unsure. To keep you so wound up on the little things that you don’t see the big picture. For me, this is the abuse that leaves the most scars.

So I guess my message here is if you fit any of these scenarios, victim or abuser take a step back and look at what you are really doing. If you love or care about that person why hurt them? If you don’t, why waste yours and their time when you could both be out there finding happiness. So if you know a victim be patient and supportive, because without your support they may never escape.

I know this isn’t a pleasant topic, but it’s a real topic.
Sorry there is my soap box.

Matters of the Heart

Tis the season of giving. I am very blessed in my life, I have so much to be thankful for. Over the course of my life I haven’t always felt that way.

As I grow older, I seem to appreciate those things that use to be so irritating.

I guess I have been on a mission to find me. Over the last 6 months or so I have climbed out of my box for say, against others wishes. I was told I was going through a mid-life crisis and maybe that is true.

But during this time I have found that I do have the capabilities to feel again. I think we take for granite the ability to love and know love, feel happiness, sadness, anticipation and so much more. I know I settled for a life that was lacking, and in doing so I hurt people… no matter how good your intentions are.

So all I can do is accept my mistakes, learn from them, make peace within myself and continue to live my life to the fullest. Make myself happy, life is too short. Not that I am saying it’s all going to be a bed of roses but as long as I can continue growing and feeling I will be ok.

Knowing What Is Right

How do we ever know what is the right choice for ourselves? Because what is right for me may not be right for you.

Just to give you a little background of my self. I have struggled over so many things in my life. One of the main things that has come to light since I lost my father about 9 months ago is my relationship with God or lack of it. I wasn’t brought up in a strong religious family, my children weren’t either and now I worry about my grandchildren not experiencing those feelings and emotions of having God in their everyday life. Don’t get me wrong I believed but I didn’t understand. I know I haven’t walked the road God would have liked for me too. So here I am at my age trying to figure out what so many of you already know.

And in doing so I feel God has put certain people in my life recently to help me on this journey, to help educate me and to help me grow as a person. I don’t know if they are short or long-term. With this there is the fear of not knowing, trusting what I feel and not being in control. I have always been that person that 1+1=2, everything had to add up, make sense and if it didn’t then my mind ran away with the situation. I am trying to open my mind up to the bigger picture, that not everything always adds up.

Someone told me that I deserve to be happy and not to live in fear. So today I am acknowledging that because I do know I am deserving. I do believe that God is working in my life and relationships for the better and will not let me stray down the wrong road.

I have a lot more to learn, but today I do know I am deserving of God’s love.